The Crooked Eye Orcs had travelled many miles westward to the Old World, suffering the sniping of mountain Goblins, incessant rain, and the endless whining of Bambrag, their incontinent shaman.
Once, they skirted a ruined Dwarfhold. Fear of spirits kept them from sheltering inside, but, a single Orc Hero named Ruglud had dared to enter. He returned unharmed, but had not spoken since, and stated blankly into space.
The Orcs huddled in the rain before a rough stone wall across a narrow pass, while Chief Gudruk Bonechewer yelled at a figure on the battlements.
'Stoopid!', he screamed, 'Do we look like Chaos boys?'
'Zog off!' echoed the reply.
Gudruk returned to the tribe, dodging the hall of stones and garbage that accompanied this witty riposte.
'Lissen,' he said. 'Them kak-'ead Gobboes reckon the Chaos boys took ev'ryfink over. They ain't comin' out an' they ain't lettin' nuffink through. They got bows an' rocks an' spears an' stuff - if we was to try and get 'em, they'd crump us to bits.' He thought for a while.
'We needs volunteers', he announced at length. His warriors developed a sudden and compelling interest in the ground at their feet.
'Or armour', whined Bambrag, 'Couldn't touch us if we 'ad cans like real Chaos boys.'
'We ain't got cans, 'ave we, Trickle-legs?' snarled Gudruk.
'Cans... jus' lyin' where they dropped... all black an' spiky.'
It was Ruglud who spoke. Gudruk gave him a good shake to speed the recovery of his senses, and he continued dreamily.
'Down this Stunty-hole... lotsa rooms ... lost... big room... big enough to stand up in ... big pile of bones an' gear... spiky Stunties an' reg'lar ones... wiped each uvver out...'
'Yerrrss!' cried Gudruk, 'We'll 'ave some o' that! Come on, boys - it's Goblin-gizzard for supper!'.
A swift expedition returned to the Dwarfhold. The ill-fitting plates were roughly hammered into shape and held
together with whatever came to hand. By nightfall, a small unit of armoured warriors was ready.
As the gear's discoverer and the bravest, meanest and certainly the most stupid Orc, Ruglud was made leader, At Gudruk's suggestion, Bambrag became the regimental musician on the Xylobone, a traditional Orcish instrument, and Maggot - Gudruk's youngest and most irritating whelp - joined the ranks as standard-bearer.
The tribe feasted upon Goblin-flesh long into the night - all except for Ruglud, who couldn't get his helmet off, and was reduced to sucking broth through a straw.
PROFILES - 3rd edition
Gudruk Bonechewer - Level 10 Orc Hero
Gudruk is equipped with heavy armour and a two-handed sword.
Saving Throw: 5, 6
Ruglud, Level 5 Orc Hero
Ruglud is equipped with heavy armour, a shield and is armed with two swords. Note that the shield provides no protection when fighting two-handed.
Saving Throw: 4, 5, 6/ 5, 6 when using both swords.
Armoured Orc Warrior
The regiment is equipped with heavy armour, shields, swords, crossbows and iron-hafted Dwarven halberds. Note that shields provide no protection when fighting two-handed.
Saving Throw: 4, 5, 6/ 5, 6 when using halberds or crossbows.